You go down, I go down. It’s a two-way street. Right? You would think that in this day and age – after all the articles, the talkshow discussions, sexologists tireless pursuit of the democratisation of oral pleasure – this would be understood, but our lived experience argues otherwise. MS ALUWANI RATSHIUNGO goes down below.
The clitoris is the only human organ purely designed for pleasure. It is a sensitive organ with two times more nerve endings than those found in a penis. When done right – and by this I mean the right amount of pressure and stimulation of this wonder organ – oral sex can be the most exciting part of sexual intimacy, especially for women, for whom sometimes this is the only shot at achieving an orgasm. So it is quite telling that cunnilingus is not as popular as fellatio.
Too often, men expect to receive oral sex but aren’t too eager to return the favour. Sadly, most women do not receive as much head as they give. Patriarchy has prioritised a man’s sexual satisfaction and women sometimes feel obligated to give blow jobs. Men will hardly, if ever, have sex and not orgasm. On the other hand a lot of women could have sex many times and not climax. Hell, they have even mastered the art of faking it. The world has taught us that a woman’s orgasm is not as important as a man getting off.
“The vagina is dirty and smelly” Or “I do not like the taste” are the most common excuses men use but anyone who has given blow jobs can tell you that men do not always taste or smell great down there. So why are women expected to withstand it when men are not willing to do the same? Why are women expected to be squeaky clean and smell like a rose garden all the time?
It’s not tit for tat; women don’t give men blow jobs because they expect them to return the favour but it’s unfair and downright rude to expect to receive oral sex when you couldn’t be bothered to do the same.
Unless something is medically wrong, vaginas do not smell good or bad; they just have a scent. If your partner smells bad down there, she should get checked out. The taste- which can be described as ‘tangy’- can not be all that bad and one gets accustomed to it after a few seconds. But if it bothers you that much, then maybe you could ask your partner to eat a lot of pineapples. Have them too while you are at it. Though it is not scientifically proven, pineapples and any other foods that are high in natural sugar are believed to change the taste of your bodily fluids. The point here is: you need to make the effort.
There is poetry in the way a woman writhes and moans while her partner’s head is buried in between her legs. No one can deny how much of an ego trip it is to know that they are responsible for inducing those toe-curling, sheet-grabbing climaxes with just their tongue and lips. Why would you want to deny your partner such pleasure? And why would you deny yourself the pleasure of what follows when your partner’s mental and physical floodgates are wide open?
Reciprocation of oral sex need not happen at that very moment – who is keeping score? It is not, err, tit for tat; women do not give men blow jobs because they expect them to return the favour but it is unfair and downright rude to expect to gleefully receive oral sex when you couldn’t be bothered to do the same. Ladies first, by all means, but sooner or later, the gentleman too must put in some work down below.